Essentially a list of things the world
has always known, but that it’s taken me 21 years to get to grips with.
1. Making
your own money is WAY better than being handed it
You might read this first point and be
like “well, obviously, what adult doesn’t like making their own money?” ME. I
DON’T.
The thing is, I’ve always been an
extremely hard worker when it comes to something I’m passionate about (take
writing for publications - I’ll have my work in on time, every time. Organising
a fashion show – I’ll be there an hour early with a bag full of pins and
scissors and extra call sheets), but hanging up clothes I can’t afford and
being paid a pittance for it? I’m a self-confessed Lazy Girl. I’d like to think
I’ve always done my fair share of a tasks when on a job, but given the chance
to pick up an extra shift or borrow a tenner and shamefully, it’s always been a
no brainer for me.
Or so I thought, until I recently
graduated, quit my summer job to intern and volunteer and am now surviving off
the dregs of my summer earnings. Being scared about money is shit. A well paid
mate treating you to a coffee is lovely, but shit. Being wired emergency cash
from my parents when a phone unexpectedly crashes is very helpful, but shit. I
really miss the rhythm of getting up, going to work and complaining about a terrible
12 hour shift whilst being secretly proud I did it. I miss working hard and
seeing a tangible result. Who’d have thought it?
2. Boy
best friends are brilliant
Before your eyeballs roll back into
your skull, hear me out on this one. I too understand the image of that girl
we all know, who exclaims at every given opportunity: “All my best friends are
boys - girls are way too much drama,” when really, the definition of drama was
scribed at co-incidentally the exact moment she was spawned from the womb. I am
not that girl.
Since I’ve been a baby, all my best
friends have been girls. I’ve been surrounded by a sister and aunties and
millions of female cousins all my life, and I went to an all-girls high school.
For me, having boy best friends is a relatively new concept. I met some of my
best friends 2 and a half years ago when I was a little baby fresher and a few
of them just so happened to be of the male persuasion. A few important things
to note:
1) They’re not all gay.
2) I don’t secretly want to have sex with them.
3) They are all bloody brilliant friends.
A lot of the misconceptions about men
I’d been fed growing up have certainly been dispelled through these
friendships, which I’m eternally grateful for. Not all boys are inconsiderate.
Not all boys are laddish and loud and vulgar. Not all boys just want to shag
you then forget about you. I’ve been taken home sobbing after one too many
trebles by a very kind (male) friend. I’ve been cooked dinner by a best (male)
friend when I was homesick and quite literally could not afford a can of
spaghetti hoops. I’ve just finished having a gossip with one of my lovely
(male) friends who Facetimed me all the way from Barcelona for a catch up.
Men. As friends. Who would’ve thought
it? (Everyone else in the world bar me, it seems).
3. Other girls are not benchmarks, competitors or
threats.
Print it out and stick it on your
forehead.
Much like the infamous Finding Nemo
scene where Bruce the shark is made to recite “fish are friends, not food,” a
similar Girl Power mantra should be made part of the curriculum at all-girls
schools and recited daily. Actually, hourly. Every minute. Hell, just paint it
on the bathroom wall, Chamber of Secrets style.
Years and years of observing
hierarchical lunch room layouts and selective party invites (of which I’ve been
on both sides) has taught me that one-upmanship and unhealthy competitiveness
is just Not Worth It. It’s nasty, it’s draining and it’s destructive. I’ve
never really been one to bristle, ready for attack, when I feel threatened by
another female, but I’m certainly guilty of inwardly collapsing when faced with
what I deem a cooler, happier, more successful version of myself. You used to
catch me lowering my hand and zipping my mouth on the reg when surrounded by
confident girls, because why would you want to listen to my opinion when you
could listen to hers?
Whilst we’re all familiar with the
concept of bullying as a reaction when one feels intimidated, what it’s taken
me a little while to realise is that both these aforementioned reactions are
negative, and both equally damaging. I wish someone would’ve sat my peers and I
down aged sixteen and truly drilled that into us. Dulling your shine because
you think someone else’s is brighter is not going to make you feel any better,
as much as it’s not going to help you to steal limelight from someone else.
Yes, it may offer short term benefits, but you’re going to feel fake, and
they’re going to feel robbed.
On the first day of an internship a
while back, I looked around at the all-female team in complete awe. These women
were incredible writers, fiercely funny and insanely talented. I felt that
familiar bubbling feeling of inadequacy rising up in my stomach during the
first hour or two, convinced they were all going to hate me, expose me for
being beneath them or dismiss me as utterly rubbish. After a while, determined
not to give in, I decided to adopt a ‘fuck it’ kind of attitude and poured
myself wholeheartedly into the work. Turns out, the whole ‘Girl Power’ thing
isn’t a myth at all. The team welcomed my ideas, made me feel at ease and went
above and beyond to help me out.
Girls are stronger together. Great
things happen when you build another girl up. The karmic wheel goes into
overdrive and shoots out a rainbow of cotton candy, or something similar, I’m
sure. Next time you see a girl with a cool outfit on, instead of looking down
at yours in disdain – compliment her. When you start a new job and sit down
next to the most talented girl you’ve ever met – ask her for some pointers.
Viva forever.
What about you? Are you as slow as I am or have you always had this life thing down? Lemme know.
Sara x
